Dear Bossip: My Sister’s Husband is Cheating … Should I Tell Her?
Hey Bossip, I just found out my sister’s husband is cheating on her and I want to tell her but don’t know how. She’s 10 years older than me and growing up we weren’t really close. We have the same mother but different dads and she was very angry at my mom through most of her childhood and through all that she harbored resentment for me. When I graduated college I got a job and ended up being transferred to the same state as my sister. Over the last three years we’ve gotten close and I’ve really enjoyed getting to know her and my nieces. But a few weeks ago, this girl at my job was talking about this man she’s messing with who I thought has the same name as my brother in law (it’s pretty common). Then a couple days later the word leaks that the dude my co-worker is messing with is married and still I didn’t think anything of it until I happened to see his car pull up to the office and she said he was going to take her “to lunch.” When she came back she smelled like cheap soap and was extra giddy. I don’t really know her like that so I wasn’t going to suddenly ask her about this man because I had seen all I needed to see. The thing is I’m just getting the relationship I’ve always wanted with my sister and I don’t want to ruin what we have now. They’ve been married for 8 years now and from what I understood they have a healthy marriage. I don’t know what to do becuase I feel like she should know I just don’t know how to tell her or if I should even say anything at all. You give really unbiased advice so your help would be appreciate more than you could imagine! Thank you.
Good day to you, sis! Thank you for writing in and sharing your story. What a position you’re in, no? You and your sister are just getting close and you have some information that could potentially destroy her marriage. While you don’t want to be the one to deliver such awful news, put yourself in her position. If you were married and your sister knew that your husband was cheating, would you want her to tell you? This might be the principle off which you decide whether or not you’re going to tell her. You don’t have to make the decision today, tomorrow or the next day so evaluate the outcome of each scenario carefully before you make a move … or not.
Here’s the deal though, sis. Nobody knows what goes on between a man and a woman behind closed doors. Your sister may already know that her husband steps out but prefers to keep that out of the realms of their discussions or she may choose to overlook it. You’d be surprised at what some people are willing to ignore to keep the homefront steady. So by telling her, you may be bringing up a part of her marriage that she cares not to address. On the other hand, you may end up confirming suspicions she’s had all along and then you would have to deal with the backlash from your co-worker and, possibly, her husband – the father of your nieces! That’s a dangerous game your brother-in-law is playing and if he’s putting your sister’s and nieces’ health in danger, then she should absolutely know! It’s going to hurt her, but she’ll be glad to know in the long run. So, again, take your time and decide which route you want to take.
At the end of the day, Ma, you have to do what you believe is the right thing to do. If it’s your loyalty to your sister that would make you want to tell her, then stress that to her when you have the conversation. If you don’t like the idea of him jeopardizing the health of your family, then stress that also. Just know that it’s not going to be easy either way it goes – keeping a secret or telling her – so chose carefully and wisely but remember, if she should find out that you withheld this information from her, she’ll not only feel betrayed by him but by you too! Your brother-in-law has no scruples to do what he’s doing and it really goes to show how selfish it is to mess around with other women when you’re married. Shame on the both of them! Think it through, your intentions are in the right place so, ultimately, there is no doubt you will do the right thing! Good luck to you, sis! Good luck!
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